captclockwork: sociolab: coffeeandklonopin: carpe diem - seize the day carpe noctem - seize the night carpe natibus - seize the ass #no #natibus is the dative plural #meaning there are multiple asses that are indirect objects #if you were being given multiple asses this would be correct#but since you want to seize one ass you need to use the accusative #so you should say ‘carpe...
your fuckin horoscope
Aries - Selfish Prick Taurus - Stubborn Asshole Gemini - Annoying Attention-Whore Cancer - Moody Jerk Leo - Egotistical Douchebag Virgo - Neurotic Bitch Libra - Flaky Derelict Scorpio - Obsessive Twat Sagittarius - Awkward Fucktard Capricorn -Greedy Emo Aquarius - Perverted Psychopath Pisces - Whiny Bimbo
Moment of silence for those whose ovaries got...
So there's only one channel in this motel,
madeofmetals: This morning while I was getting ready I was watching Sesame Street. They were doing this bit where some clown was trying to wash his hands but kept washing his feet or his elbows and Elmo would go, “no mister noodle, your HANDS!” and all the tv kids would laugh. Around the fourth or fifth time he couldn’t find his hands, I heard a grown man yell from somewhere else in the motel,...
canieatthisshit: consequentialism: if i had a dollar for every time i was a third wheel
ZACHARY LEVI HAS BEEN CONFIRMED FOR THOR 2
jared-derpalecki: agent-bartowski: OH MY GOD
"The tempature is 120 Degrees Fahrenheit"
Canadians & europeans: ...
Canadians & europeans: *open internet converter*
Canadians & europeans: *converts to Celsius*
Canadians & europeans: SHIT!
I'm sure you're smart enough to figure this riddle...
asksassystark: askdarcybamflewis submitted: Sleep with one eye open.
So this just happened
throwingmilkshaakesatcars: I’m standing outside the store smoking and some dudebro walks by, looks me up and down and says, “Baby girl how do you look so cool when you’re so hot?” And before I could even think the words just fell out of my mouth. “I’ll fucking kill you.” His jaw fell open, he muttered a tiny “sorry” then scurried off.
ladygagastuff: Katy Perry’s talent in 30 seconds
America is no longer in a relationship with Great...
trololololointhedungeon: if you like it then you shouldn’t put a king on it.
cannibal-crunch: mrturquoisesunset: mermaidest: cant tell if firework or gunshot knowing america, it’s probably both.
imjustonekid: Mom saw porn on the dash. “Are those people’s butts??” “Ohhh, it’s just my dash so I can’t control what people put on it…so it might’ve been.” (it was clearly butts) “Well, you should put a message on there that says ‘no butts please’.” OKAY. EVERYONE. NO BUTTS PLEASE. NONE. NO BUTTS.